Laws of love

I want start this article explaining the laws of love that are the basis of my teaching around positive parenting and also how it can impact your relationship with your family, past generation and present generation.

The concepts I would love to introduce with you all are the concepts that starts from Family Constellation. It was created by a German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger (1925–2019). Family Constellation is a psychological and therapeutic technique that sheds light on what is hidden between the relationships in any family system.

Family constellation theory starts with the law of love, which is dependent on three concepts, they are hierarchy, belonging and balance. You might be wondering, "How do these affect my parenting?" I have to tell you they affect your parenting in so many ways. Yes its so true. Here we are planning on working each law together to give you a big picture of how they can help us in our parenting journey.

The first law is “hierarchy", which is defined by the order of arrival. It says our  ancestor needs to be respected and honored no matter what. I would like to propose an exercise here: Let’s imagine a fictional situation where now you are a mother and you also blame your mom for almost all of your bad experiences during your childhood, now in your journey as a parent you work to break cycles to be a better mom. We have to keep in mind like our own journey, our mothers before us went through the same experience.

That is the reason we might want to honor our ancestors. Each generation has broken a cycle of violence (is it possible to say "challenges"? Not everyone experience violence in their families) and is improving, giving their best to be better parents, to create a healthy relationship as a parent. Healing the wounds is extremely important to honor our ancestors.

"Belonging” in the family system means everybody might needs to be included no matter what — each person is important to your family system. Each person has their place in the family system. If one member of the family system is excluded, another member of the family take his place, and by loyalty might repeat the destiny that the excluded member had. When we include  all family members, no member of the family will take a place where he does not belong.

The last, but equally important law is the law of "balance". This concept is what modern society is trying to achieve and most of the time fails in achieving. The main reason is that we always have more responsibilities than we have time to get it done. The concept of balance is simple — you give the same amount that you receive. Both people involved in any project should have the same amount of responsibilities for a balanced exchange.

Now that we know the laws of love, I want to invite you on the journey of positive parenting that brings healing and understanding, that breaks generational cycles and also heals wounds and creates forgiveness. In the upcoming series of articles, we will explore positive parenting, with the foundation of laws of love.I hope we can enjoy this journey together.

Warmly

Ana Carolina Zambelli.